Why bother

This world is not for me and I am not made to be in it. The CONSTANT abuse, disrespect, dehumanising, micro and macro aggressions. I am broken and burnt out. I have spent my entire life masking and combination of things undesirable to those around me. I can’t anymore. And I can’t be around people who can’t treat me like a human, without trying to make things better or “fix” me. Which means I have nobody around. I despirately need to be around friends, but until people are able to just BE with me and let me grieve and be in pain then I am on my own. My therapy is coming to an end and I’m incapable of managing my emotions or the endless bullshit from people around me. Most people have their heads buried in the sand, preferring to silence me that deal with the issues that are hurting me. I started this blog because I got fed up with people on Facebook complaining about me saying how I was feeling. This was I can speak up, in greater detail, and then people can choose to read it. Or not. The problem with that is its a lot of work and still only a handful of friends actually read it, those that want to stay wilfully ignorant do. And so still nobody really knows who I am, what it like to be me and have had to endure for nearly half a century. I can’t get everything across here and few people read it. It’s helps me process and understand my internal madness, but there’s no point publishing just for that. I HATE this world, and it’s getting worse. I am literally scraping by constantly trying to stop myself from melting down, and now I can’t do that. There is nowhere I am safe. I don’t want to be in this fucking world