Today marks the second anniversary of my brother’s dwath. Im getting together with some family to spead ashes in the same place as our grandfather was.
We didnt fokkow the original plan on funeral day due to weather conditions and a general lack of enthusiasm for anything other than that specific plan. The first anniversary was just a few months after the horrible inquest and a month after the dwath of our cousin following a shirt battle with cancer. Which overlapped the inquest.
So this year we feel able to get together and do something. It’ll be a fraction of the attendees from the funeral but im relaxed to know neither parent will be there.
Im still full of conflicting emotions. We weren’t on contact at the time he died, and now I’ll necer get the chsnce to change that. Which I had hooed would happen one day. Id also hoped hed be abke to pull through his triubles safely, without hurting anyone, primarily himself.
He was irritating, agressive, a thief, maipulative, irresponsible, without drive, confused, scared, caring, loyal, very unwell, and without the tools or courage to deal with historic abuse or current life. And I miss him. Not the him that i last spoke to but the one that I connected with and had some fun times with. And i miss the potential of what could have been had he managed to get the type of help he knew he needed.
I hope that his unfortunate death really has solved all his problems and that if any essence of him remains that he’s exploring the universe in peace. Getting into all sorts of nonsense and making friends with alien spirits, adventuring and having fun.
And maybe one day we that remain will find peace too.