Temptation Stalks

😦

So things have been tough, lots of stuff, most difficult in its own way, too much to deal with. It’d have been hard even if not worn out, but I am worn out, and overwhelmed.

And despite all my hard work to rectify or process these things, new stuff just keeps coming up.

Of course, any new thing no matter how comparatively small is going to keep topping up my already full stress bucket. So at times I’m not dealing with stuff as well as I could. Certainly that’s how I feel.

Maybe I am doing (mostly) the right things. Maybe

Right now I could easily lay into my supervisor. It’s a good thing she doesn’t work Fridays, I need more time to calm down before I speak to her.

And it really really REALLY doesn’t help that my former dealer (a stereotypical pusher who loved me, or rather loved my money, I would hand over huge amounts of it regularly) after stalking me for years has now taken to parking just around the corner from mine. On my regular route. Usually I can ignore that familiar triggering car, pretend it’s not there, and definitely Not make eye contact with the arseholes inside.
Other, more stressful times, it’s really fucking hard.

So now I am hiding in the office at work, not prepping for my group, and crying. Hoping nobody walks in.

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Looking after a friend

Does you have experience of palliative care within London?

If you can share anything on one or more of the following points I’d be most grateful. I understand this could be difficult and potentially triggering, so it may be good to have a friend to talk to afterwards for support.

Please feel free to message privately and I will keep your information confidential.

•I’d like to know of good and bad experiences relating to the care/institute/location etc

•how easy was it to choose the place, and if there are conditions or advice on getting in

•experience of getting someone in from out of borough

•overall balance if you had a mixed experience

•what was and wasn’t covered

•where I could go to for advice

•any other comments

Thank you so much. Good health to all.

The sands of time are running thin

Life (mine, friends, family) has come to an undeniable and inevitable situation. Forcing me to live up to my word and do what I’ve wanted/claimed/tried to be doing for years.

It’s smack down time

I can’t hide any more. I have been overwhelmed, there are a lot of things that now DEMAND my attention.

No more hiding, no more subconscious delaying. Time to act. And time to accept that these things take time. Where’s that patient temperament I felt I had as a child?!

Too much to explain, I shall try to get it out, in small manageable bits. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

There is A LOT of work to be done.

Big bereavement issues to work through, the dead, the dying and those deliberately left behind.
Health, work, hoarding, terror of failure, fear of finding what I want, and that I might like what I want, I might succeed, I might, one day, be happy.

And I want it all yesterday.