wassup?

In answer, I dont know. Not specifics anyway.  Have had an insatiable hunger since getting back home a few days ago, triggered by exhaustion and lack of sleep. It now seems to be more than that, tied to emotional stuff that I havent identified. I’m fed up with not being able to sleep much, fed up with feeling crap and spoonless, fed up with eating all the fucking time. I’M NOT ACTUALLY HUNGRY. Getting stuck in a mini whirlpool of being sleep deprived, restless, in pain, depressed, angry and emotionally frayed which stops me from sleeping and makes me compulsively eat ALL the food and sweets. And getting wound up by all of this, disgusted and angry at myself for letting it happen and not fighting the compulsions and beating myself for not sleeping. Which leads me back into getting stressed, not being able to sleep and force feeding myself.

Its an old entrenched abusive coping method. Its also a classic screaming neon sign that theres some deep serious/nasty/terrifying emotional shit lurking just below my conscience. Shit that I dont want to deal with, that I would rather just fucked off and went away never to bother me again. Its making me extremely short tempered and sensitive to my surroundings. The clutter in my prison of a home is making me VERY stressed right now. At this moment I could really do with someone to cuddle up with and just …be… To cry or laugh or watch tv, or whatever. But that’s something I cannot think about so it gets pushed away as dwelling and making myself feel worse isnt going to help. So its just me and my head demons here

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