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Yesterday was a big deal, sick I chose mental health over physical and persevered with accomplishing my targets.

A super early start for a volunteer shift at a morning rave, trying my best not to breathe, cough or sneeze near anyone… this plague is a painful annoyance.
After a slow lunch and time in the park, I had an assessment at a CFS clinic.

The short version is that they can’t currently help me, and that I have PTSD. Not really surprising considering my history, and the plague & early start made it all a bit much.

It’s settling in now. I agree with him, I did at the time, but the recommendations he’s going to make are a heavy burden.

I’m to get onto the waiting list for Trauma Therapy. Something that will, by definition, be traumatic.

I should be getting regular psychiatric appointments, outside of and separate to therapy. Conflicted slightly about this as I’d enjoyed the feeling of no longer requireing this. But I’ve known for a while that I currently need it, so I guess that’s a bonus.

And finally, he wants me to start taking lithium. I don’t want to, for a whole host of reasons, and my former psych who I’m about to be referred back to, knows this and knows my reasons.
He was successful in getting me to take carbamazapine. I’m still struggling with the side effects of that one several years after stopping it. It’s going to be one hell of a struggle to swallow that pill. Bad pun intended.

I’m not well enough to properly process all of this, and not sick enough to put it aside. I kinda want to curl up in someone’s arms and forget about it all right now. That’s not possible, so junk food and sweets it is.

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